When I started to suspect I might be autistic—after both of my kids were diagnosed—it wasn’t just my identity that started to shift.
It was my parenting.
Suddenly, things I thought were “behavioral issues” made more sense.
Things I used to try to fix, I started to accept.
And the way I showed up for my kids started to change—because I was finally starting to show up differently for myself, too.
🧠 Realizing I Parent Differently Because I Am Different
Before I understood my own neurodivergence, I was constantly stuck in a loop of:
- Why can’t I stay on top of everything?
- Why am I so overwhelmed by normal things?
- Why do I lose my patience and then feel guilty for days?
I thought I just needed to try harder. Be more structured. Be more consistent. Be more… “together.”
But when I realized I’m likely autistic (and possibly ADHD too), everything shifted.
I stopped blaming myself.
I started understanding myself.
And that changed how I approach parenting completely.
💡 Here’s What Shifted (And How It’s Helped All of Us)
1. I Stopped Trying to Parent by Neurotypical Standards
I let go of the Pinterest-perfect routines, the color-coded chore charts that never worked, the belief that consistency always has to mean sameness.
Instead, I focused on connection and co-regulation.
When I noticed I was overstimulated or dysregulated, I stopped pushing through it and started modeling how to pause and reset. That taught my kids more about emotional regulation than any time-out ever could.
2. I Started Accommodating Myself Too
It’s easy to fight for accommodations for your kids. But what about us?
I started recognizing my own needs:
- Lower lights
- Softer textures
- Noise-canceling headphones
- Body doubling when I needed to clean
- Giving myself permission to stim, pace, or retreat when overstimulated
The more I met my needs, the calmer our home became. Because instead of masking and snapping, I started meeting myself with care—just like I do for my kids.
3. I Let Go of the Guilt Around “Doing It All”
I used to feel awful about not keeping up with housework, meals, appointments, all the things—especially when other parents made it look easy.
But realizing that my brain works differently helped me stop chasing an invisible finish line.
It’s not about doing it all—it’s about doing what matters, in a way that works for us.
So yes, sometimes the dishes wait.
Sometimes we eat grilled cheese three nights in a row.
Sometimes school emails go unanswered for a day or two.
And it’s okay. Because what we do have is:
- A home where my child feels safe being himself
- A mom who is honest, regulated (most days), and present
- A relationship built on understanding, not perfection
4. I Became a Better Advocate—For Both of Us
Now that I understand my brain, I speak up differently. Whether it’s at IEP meetings, doctor appointments, or in day-to-day interactions—I advocate more clearly, more confidently, and with more compassion.
Because I’m not just fighting for my child to be seen anymore.
I’m fighting for both of us to be understood.
💛 You Can Parent Differently—and That’s a Gift
If you’re neurodivergent too, it doesn’t make you less capable as a parent. If anything, it gives you superpowers:
- You notice the subtle things.
- You know what it’s like to feel “too much.”
- You understand the need for quiet, routine, and space.
- You don’t force your child to be someone they’re not—because you know how much that hurts.
You’re not failing because you do things differently. You’re thriving—because you’re doing what works for your unique family.
juMOMjia 