I used to think I was just messy. Lazy, even. I’d beat myself up for the piles of laundry, the dishes in the sink, the random half-finished “organizing” projects that somehow made things worse.
Now I know better.
This isn’t laziness—it’s ADHD. It’s executive dysfunction.
It’s being a neurodivergent mom in a world that equates clutter with failure.
🧠 What Executive Dysfunction Actually Feels Like
Executive dysfunction isn’t just “being forgetful.” It’s the brain fog that makes simple tasks feel like puzzles without corner pieces. It’s knowing exactly what you need to do… and still being completely unable to start.
Here’s how it shows up for me:
- I walk into a room and freeze, because I don’t know where to start.
- I start one task (like putting away clothes), then get distracted by another (like wiping down a shelf), and suddenly I’m sorting through a junk drawer at 2 p.m. instead of finishing either.
- I get overwhelmed by the visual noise—piles, mess, unfinished stuff—and end up doing nothing.
- I hyperfocus on one random corner of the house while the rest looks like a tornado hit.
- I try to clean “the right way,” get paralyzed by perfectionism, and spiral into guilt when it doesn’t work.
😔 Why “Just Clean It” Doesn’t Work
People love to give advice:
- “Just set a timer!”
- “Start small!”
- “If you did a little every day, it wouldn’t get like this.”
And sure, those tips might help on a good day. But when your brain is juggling caregiving, mental health, sensory overwhelm, and a million open tabs of unfinished thoughts? That “simple” task is anything but.
Clutter isn’t just physical—it’s emotional and mental. Each pile feels like a reminder of what I’m not getting done. Each room becomes a reflection of how chaotic I feel inside.
🧩 What Helps (Even Just a Little)
There’s no magical fix—but I’ve found a few things that help me work with my brain instead of fighting against it:
✔️ Body doubling
Sometimes I clean while on the phone with a friend or while my husband is doing his own tasks nearby. Just having another person present helps break the mental freeze.
✔️ Task chunking
Instead of “clean the kitchen,” I break it down into absurdly small steps:
- Move dishes to sink
- Wipe stove
- Throw away expired fridge food
- Put away one item
Checking off each micro-task helps build momentum.
✔️ Visual timers and music
A 10-minute playlist works better than a clock. Music energizes me and gives me a clear “stop time,” so it doesn’t feel endless.
✔️ Giving myself permission to stop
If I can only do 15 minutes today, that’s still progress. I’m learning that some progress > shame spirals.
✔️ Accepting the mess without attaching my worth to it
This is the hardest—and the most healing. My house doesn’t define me. Neither does my to-do list. I’m allowed to be a good mom in a messy home.
🧡 If You’re Struggling Too…
You’re not lazy. You’re not failing.
You’re not the only one who looks around and wants to cry instead of clean.
You’re carrying so much.
And if all you did today was survive it? That matters.
This is your reminder that your worth isn’t measured in clean counters or folded laundry. You deserve support, not shame.
juMOMjia 