When my kids were diagnosed as autistic, I did what any determined mom would do—I dove headfirst into learning everything I could. I read articles, joined support groups, watched webinars, and started making changes to help them thrive.
But somewhere in the middle of learning about their traits, I started seeing myself.
Not in some dramatic “everything makes sense now” movie-moment way. It was quiet. Subtle.
A checklist here.
A comment in a support group there.
A realization that the “quirks” I had always written off… weren’t just quirks.
🧩 Traits I Dismissed or Misunderstood (for Years)
Here are just some of the signs I now recognize as autistic traits—things I either ignored, masked, or assumed were “just my personality.”
🔁 Repetitive behaviors and routines
I repeated phrases under my breath, had rituals around how I did tasks, and got extremely uncomfortable when routines were disrupted. I thought I was just “particular.” Turns out, that’s a common autistic trait.
🔊 Sensory sensitivity
Certain sounds, fabrics, or lighting would throw me into a spiral. I avoided loud places when I could, but when I couldn’t, I powered through… and paid for it with anxiety or exhaustion later.
😐 Difficulty with eye contact
I forced myself to maintain eye contact during conversations—but it never felt natural. I always thought I was just socially awkward. Now I know better.
💬 Overexplaining and overprepping
I script conversations in my head. Rehearse what I’m going to say. Overexplain myself to avoid being misunderstood. It’s exhausting, but it’s how I’ve coped with communication challenges for decades.
😵💫 Social fatigue (even when I enjoy people)
I can love people and still be utterly drained after social interaction. I used to beat myself up for needing recovery time after small talk. Now I honor it.
💭 Hyperfocus and deep interests
When something interests me, I can’t just like it—I dive in. Research becomes a coping tool, a hobby, and a comfort zone all in one.
😣 Difficulty with transitions
Sudden changes derail me. Whether it’s shifting gears mid-task or having to pivot plans without warning, transitions require serious effort—and often leave me feeling disoriented or overwhelmed.
🔍 Why I Didn’t See It Before
I didn’t recognize these signs because I had always been told:
- “You’re just sensitive.”
- “You’re too quiet.”
- “You’re too much.”
- “You’re anxious.”
- “You’re a perfectionist.”
No one said, “You might be autistic.”
Especially not to girls. Especially not to women. Especially not to moms who look like they have it together—at least on the outside.
💡 Looking Back with New Eyes
Now I look back and see:
- The child who shut down when I was overwhelmed
- The teen who repeated the same phrase or sound (echolalia)
- The young adult who burned out trying to be “normal”
- The mom who powered through overstimulation because “that’s what moms do”
And I finally see her clearly.
She wasn’t broken. She was doing the best she could, in a world that never made space for her wiring.
🛠 If This Sounds Like You Too…
Start paying attention—not just to what you struggle with, but how you’ve learned to survive it.
You might be masking.
You might be exhausted from overcompensating.
You might be carrying more than you ever realized—and still showing up anyway.
And if you’re like me, you might just be autistic… and never knew it.
juMOMjia 