When both of my kids were diagnosed as autistic, it made me dive deep into research, parenting strategies, support groups, and everything I could possibly find to help them thrive. I wanted to understand how they saw the world. I wanted to be the best advocate I could be.
What I didn’t expect was that somewhere in the middle of decoding their behaviors, routines, and responses…
I’d start recognizing myself.
🧩 Autism Isn’t Always Loud, Obvious, or Diagnosed Young
We often think of autism in extremes—meltdowns, rocking, lack of eye contact, or someone who’s clearly “different.” But the truth? Autism is nuanced. Especially in girls and women, and especially in those of us who’ve learned to mask.
I had always been labeled “too sensitive,” “too quiet,” “too intense,” “too much.”
- I repeated things under my breath for comfort.
- I memorized social scripts to get through interactions.
- I obsessed over niche topics.
- I needed things just so or else I’d shut down.
- I struggled with transitions and unpredictability.
I thought it was anxiety. I thought it was trauma. I thought it was just…me being weird. But the more I learned about my kids’ autism, the more those puzzle pieces started clicking in a way I couldn’t ignore.
🤯 The Realization That Reshaped My Parenting
When I started viewing my own behaviors through the lens of autism, everything shifted. Suddenly, I wasn’t just parenting two neurodivergent kids—I was also unmasking a part of myself that I had suppressed for decades.
And here’s what happened:
I got softer.
More compassionate.
Less reactive.
More curious instead of controlling.
I stopped trying to fix every “quirk” or redirect every stim. I started seeing their behaviors as needs, not nuisances. I started recognizing the difference between a meltdown and a shutdown—because I’d had them too.
I learned that my discomfort with eye contact wasn’t rudeness. That sensory overwhelm wasn’t being “dramatic.” That needing structure wasn’t being controlling—it was survival.
💬 What I Wish I Knew Sooner
I wish I knew that:
- You can be autistic and still high-functioning in society… but it comes at a cost.
- Masking is real, exhausting, and deeply ingrained.
- Autism doesn’t have to look the same in every person.
- Accommodating your needs is not the same as being difficult.
- Advocating for your kids is a lot easier when you learn to advocate for yourself, too.
Most of all, I wish I knew that I wasn’t broken. I was just misunderstood.
✨ How It Changed My Life (and Theirs)
Understanding my own neurodivergence has helped me:
- Be a calmer, more regulated parent
- Advocate more effectively for my kids’ IEPs and therapies
- Let go of perfectionism
- Allow downtime without guilt
- Create an environment that works for all of us, not just the neurotypical world
I still haven’t been formally diagnosed. Like many women and moms, it’s expensive and not always accessible. But the validation I’ve given myself—and the freedom to be exactly who I am—is enough right now.
💛 You’re Not Alone If You’re Realizing This Too
Maybe you’re reading this and thinking, “Wait…this is me.”
Maybe you’ve always felt like the “weird one” but couldn’t explain why.
Maybe you’re starting to connect dots through your kids, just like I did.
If so, let me say this: You’re not imagining it. You’re not making excuses. You’re not broken. You’re neurodivergent—and now you get to learn what that means for you, and how to thrive with it.
Because once I saw it in myself, I stopped trying to “fix” my kids.
And started giving all of us the space to just be.
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